Yesterday, I wound up finding out that a friend of mine died this past weekend. I thought, okay, I can handle this. It hurt, but loss does that. I managed to mostly go numb, whether that was because of the shock or just my own standard emotional reaction, I'm not sure. Either way, it helped for the short term. What can I say, I thought I'd be able to shove everything to the side because, hey, what else could happen?

Sometime around 6 or 6:30 this evening, I got a call from TW, aka the Parental figure in my life, saying that my grandmother was dying. About an hour later, while I was in an area with no signal, I missed a call and wound up listening to a phone call saying that she had finally passed. Now, I think I'm pushing my sort of numbness to it's breaking point. To those of you who knew me, you know that I groaned, griped, complained, and flat out bitched, about my life at home. Know that through all of this, I did love the woman like a mother. Well, over the past month and a half roughly, she'd pretty much refused to speak to speak to me because I made the conscious decision not to go home. Now, she spoke when there was no one else there to answer the phone, but it was mostly in one or two words. Nothing much.

So now, after all of this, I'm not sure how I feel. I don't know what to feel. When this sort of shocked numbness wears off, which I think I can feel it doing, I don't know how I'm going to react. Right now, I've got the standard what's going to happen now, but that is mainly because of what's going to the happen to the rest of my family. TW had spent the past few years taking care of her, helping her as she grew worse physically. When he called, he was broken. Now, he's not been the most emotionally stable of people, but he was never one to cry or express grief. He was more comfortable with anger, and that's how I was comfortable with him.

But right now, we're all trying to figure out what to do about contacting my aunt and uncle. I've tried, My grandmother's sister has tried. I might try again once this is posted.

Either way, I just really needed to get all of that out.