Dear Readers:

Why can't some people seem to understand the idea of working through emotions at my own pace? Why must the feelings be forced out into the blinding light of day that lets only anger and resentment come to the forefront? Why must I be forced into being emotional when being open in such a way goes against my very nature?

Explanations will come sooner or later, though if you've read up, you'll have the general idea who this is about.

- Me

Work woes

I'm presently sitting at a table where I work and am having to wonder just what is wrong with the teenagers of this city. I don't mean to sound like one of many elderly (which I assure you I'm not) I've known in my life, but there is something wrong with the teenagers of today. Case in point -- one of my coworkers.

D2, as I shall call him for all intensive purposes, has proven to be a definite sign that society is doomed. He is lacking motivation and cares only for doing what makes life and work easier for him. I am known for being the person who comes in to work on time, if not early. In contrast, D2 has been consistantly late which is nice as it means more hours for myself, but in a time in which management is looking for a reason to let go of monetary losses, this can also be a bit of a double edged sword.

He constantly seems to be looking for a reason to play, other employees, "practicing" (you can only a drink wrong so many times before asking for help), etc. He has been known to leave behind unfinished work, and requests for others to do the simplest tasks are common.

Perhaps I am so aggravated due to the fact that not only does he lack motivation, he lacks the ability to think five minutes ahead. Make a suggestion, and he realizes minutes after taking the separate route that the original was acceptable as well. Or simply it was because he needed to be told to do his job. Repeatedly. I'm leaning towards my reasoning being the latter as I think.

A sigh would be good right about now.

Well, someone's been reading... And not well

I think that as someone who chooses to respect the wishes of others, I should be treated with that same respect.

I do not want a relationship, and he still pushes, trying to figure out why in an attempt to gain some of the closeness we had, but I wonder if it is too little too late. I cannot maintain interest, knowing his intentions and goals are solely physical. I want emotional and mental intimacy. Not a fuck buddy.

There have been few who I have felt this way with, and those are the ones I would ever truly consider for lovers in any sense.

These stories I shall divulge later, when I truly feel comfortable telling them.

Personal Growth

On a slightly more terrifying note, as I look back at my earlier entries, I can't help but notice that I have grown as a person. Yes, I'm still fairly self centered (this is MY blog after all), but my life no longer focuses on grades and not killing my roommates. Even in the past four posts, I've seen that my personal opinion of myself has improved. I'm still the fairly self deprecating creature that can be found in my OLD blog, but I'm no longer seeking out approval from those around me as much as I used to. I noticed that when I wrote that I deserved better, I actually meant it. I'm also finding myself no longer willing to hurt myself by straining to maintain old relationships that had the possibility of being harmful in the end.

I think I'm finally growing up, after twenty some odd years.

Yay me.

Enough.

Forget you, and the friendship that you have decided to be nothing more than a long drawn out pursuit for a tumble between the sheets. Forget you, and the fact that you decided that I wasn't worth being friends with when I turned down your romantic advances. Forget you, and the fact that you don't seem capable of maintaining a friendship that isn't all about you getting your cock sucked.


I came into the friendship wanting nothing more than that. I told you that, and now you're so bleeding immature that you're willing to throw away the friendship and trust that took months to forge. I don't appreciate the fact that you are so capable of throwing away the long conversations. I don't appreciate the sense of betrayal that dares to rear its head when I think of the times I called you crying over the time of our friendship, knowing that in the end it was just a ploy to get into my pants.


You know what? I'm glad I never slept with you. You never deserved me, and I see that now.


So, if you ever decide to grow up, then feel free to contact me. I'm through making the effort.