You want to play stupid games, that's fine. I've dealt with stupid people playing stupid games for the entirety of my life. Those stupid games start hurting me, my friends, and just anyone who is a DECENT human being in general-- You touch on a nerve that needs to be left alone.

Someone decided to get drunk and then tried to act like he was possessed. 1) Not possible. 2) Every action from earlier in the week reeks of pre-planning of this act.

Don't fucking strike out at me or anyone I give two shits about. You do this, you get hurt. You continue to do this... You get killed.

Is my point clear enough?

The joys of the mask...

We all have masks that we put there for the rest of the world. Whether it be the congenial salesman or the person who is happy with herself, there's a mask for all of us.

I think I wear my mask too well. One comfortable with any intimacy is the face that I show to the world. Some will see that I struggle with it, while others will see the girl who has friends that she has come to trust with her life far too easily.

What about the real girl beneath? The one who forges connections on emotional levels, but when confronted with more freezes and spirals down a cycle of self abhorrence and destroyed confidence. Perhaps it is because of childhood abuse. No.... No perhaps.

Thanks family, for making the fucked up person that I am today.

It's been three and a half years, and I can't help but think I'm still broken. Not shattered like I was three years ago, but definitely not quite whole. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will be.

What brought about this realization?

I still can't read a note about someone who's passed without feeling my chest tighten a little. I can't talk much without hearing my voice get a little strained and my eyes burn ever so slightly with the warmth of unshed tears.

And I still dread the coming months of September through January. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries... In the course of five months, everything comes together and falls apart. I want to forget everything, but I feel that if I do, I'm betraying the memories of the people who are gone.

Expect slightly more morose posts in the near future from yours truly. September is less than 30 days away, and it's like an oncoming storm...

Dilemma

I need to tell someone something, but I feel like it's something that needs to be done in private... How can I do that where there's always someone else around?

Not expecting responses... Just needed to get it out there so that maybe I'll be able to think of something.

And maybe because I've been listening to too much music from the Sucker Punch Soundtrack.