I think I'm too neurotic for my own good. I think that part of it might not be as bad as I think, but I can never be sure. To quote a text conversation earlier this evening --
Me: "Well, if you have some time, and are feeling up to it, I figure I might want to do some damage control since I feel like I've been a mess the past few days."
K: "Damage control?"
Me: "I feel like I've been a huge mess for the past few days. To prove that I haven't completely lost my mind."
K: "That's a lost cause. You can't convince me you're sane now. :-P hehe"
After the past few days, this honestly made me feel better. Honestly, with January comes a good deal of psychological stress that I've been fairly incapable of handling. January entries from the past few years will give you a good idea of everything that has been going on. With two deaths that have left me devastated courtesy of a lack of handling abilities, I'm finally starting to learn to swim. I still want to cry. I still want to scream, but not so much. And that was what made me happy. Add to that was... The fact that he used the notion of combined self deprecation. It was sweet in a way, and made me feel better after having spent the better part of the day sick and the better part of the week driving myself nuts over the idea that maybe I'm too broken. That maybe I've been shattered one too many times.
I should not be getting this attached. He might only view me as a friend, and that will be setting me up for a good bit of heartbreak. But if I don't attempt at opening up, I might wind up breaking my own heart for simply lack of trying. That also means getting over this whole shyness thing that I've got going on.
One step at a time. Blarg.
Me: "Well, if you have some time, and are feeling up to it, I figure I might want to do some damage control since I feel like I've been a mess the past few days."
K: "Damage control?"
Me: "I feel like I've been a huge mess for the past few days. To prove that I haven't completely lost my mind."
K: "That's a lost cause. You can't convince me you're sane now. :-P hehe"
After the past few days, this honestly made me feel better. Honestly, with January comes a good deal of psychological stress that I've been fairly incapable of handling. January entries from the past few years will give you a good idea of everything that has been going on. With two deaths that have left me devastated courtesy of a lack of handling abilities, I'm finally starting to learn to swim. I still want to cry. I still want to scream, but not so much. And that was what made me happy. Add to that was... The fact that he used the notion of combined self deprecation. It was sweet in a way, and made me feel better after having spent the better part of the day sick and the better part of the week driving myself nuts over the idea that maybe I'm too broken. That maybe I've been shattered one too many times.
I should not be getting this attached. He might only view me as a friend, and that will be setting me up for a good bit of heartbreak. But if I don't attempt at opening up, I might wind up breaking my own heart for simply lack of trying. That also means getting over this whole shyness thing that I've got going on.
One step at a time. Blarg.